Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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