i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
