Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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