no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
