you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
