If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
