i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
