Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
