Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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