I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
