i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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