i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
