So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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