i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Alive.
So much puke
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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