So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize