I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
