And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
