i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
