I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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