be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
