haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
