So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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