That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
