I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
