You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
