I could have mohawked her pubes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
