The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
