hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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