I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
