And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
