SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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