Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I would fuck him just for his dog
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
