Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
