True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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