Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
