i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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