dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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