I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize