It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
