so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
