i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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