Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
