The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
