What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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