I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
