You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Randomize
