i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think my vagina is haunted
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
