No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I cut my penus on the lid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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