I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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