Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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