fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
