Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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