There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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