So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
