I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
