A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
