something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
