Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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