I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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