I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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