I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So. Much. Porn.
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