She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
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I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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