Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
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