sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
