Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
