god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Sober January is a disaster.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
