ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
