Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
