Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
