Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
