I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
