Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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