Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
