So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
